My 23 yr old son still lives at home, don't work,?

I have a 23 yr old son who still lives at home. I will admit he is certainly eligible for SSI, but of course they wont give it to him. Here's my story:

Even in the hospital he cried constantly, they had to move me to private room and I had him the whole time with me there. during the next few years he cried and was very abnormal, took him to doctor after doctor. they said, soy milk, to many ear infections, etc. I couldn't even to out for a meal, etc because of his screaming and misconducts. School was a nightmare, he was picked on alot and got into fights, always his fault they said. He cried over small stuff until around age 13. He also was always in trouble of this or that. had special ed. He was also a terror at home. I still took him to doctors and physiologists. He had so much disrespect for me, called me bad names, even hit me and his sister (who was never any trouble) broke things, even stole over $2,000 of households goods to buy pot when he was 17, I even found myself many times waiting for him to turn 18 so I can legally throw him out. After a big fight with his dad, over his friends always being over and pounding on the door at 2am many nights, his dad said I'm calling police on you, (again) he took off and stayed away for almost 3 mos. a few phone calls and visits during this time. sorry to say he ended up moving back in, and was ok for about a week, then it all started up again. We sold our house, and he wanted to move to las vegas with some friends, we paid his warrents, got him a drivers license and gave our old car to him, along with $1,500 to get started, Our daughter went to college, and I went on the road with my husband in for almost a year to look for a new place to live, (out of calif) (husband is a truck driver) I think he took that job to get away, after one month he was asking for more money, I said NO, this is what you wanted, he decided to come back to Calif. lived in a friends back yard trailor, was always complaining about it. A few months later we found a place we liked and bought a home. My son somehow ended up comming with us, we thought it may be a new start for him getting away from the growing crime from where we left, well, bad idea, all he does is complain about everything, from food, to internet speed, to how much he hates it here. we tell him to go back if he wants, he says: ';you made me junk my car'; (he thrashed it himself, and it wouldnt have made it here) he says give me your car and $1K and i'll leave. since he has been here he does nothen, plays playstation all day and sleeps. we live on 3 1/2 acres and charges us $60 to mow it, on a riding mower. (his dad ok'd this, i said we should make him to it for living here,) but since dad is the worker what can i say? his dad says we cant just give up on him, I am now ready to let him or make him go back to calif. as i just cannot take his complaining about everything he gets for free, not a day goes by his freebie lifestyle is not good enough. I know we have been enablers, and i also understand his disabilities, his back bone is so bent its pressing on his lung. but thats no excuse for this behavior. I have another child in college and she was never a problem at all. There is so much this son of mine has put me through in the last 23yrs, i dont know why im not instatutionized. I know this is long. should i wait to see if he gets SSI? (he does have a lawyer working on it) I tell hime he can leave anytime, and he just says F!@# you!! or give me money. help, im really about to lose it. sorry so long. My 23 yr old son still lives at home, don't work,?
Just because he has a spinal curvature does not mean that he's automatically is eligible for SSI. If he was, he would have it. Apparently, there is some question, and he may need to go through a process called medical vocational allowance. That may take a long time. They will be considering if it is possible for him to be employed in certain capacities. He's certainly showing his ability to be resourceful by taking advantage of you for so many years and acquiring a criminal record. He's able to mow your lawn. He managed to stay away several months without your assistance. I'm sure there are many other things he can do also. Seems employable to me, except for his bad attitude.



It's clear that your efforts haven't helped him, but they've hurt you. It's time to get over your feelings of guilt about his childhood (the real reason you are enabling him) and allow this man to live his life and be accountable for his actions. That's what will help him.



This constant rescuing is not helping him grow up. If anything, you're hurting him more. What will he do when both of you are gone? There's no one who will give him a fraction of the attention and handouts you have. Let him experience the reality of the world while you are still able to provide emotional support.



You have been doing what is easy for you as a parent by continuing to baby him. Now do what is necessary for your child. Allow him to grow up.My 23 yr old son still lives at home, don't work,?
I didnt read the whole story...too long, but....I read the title...KICK HIS 23 YEAR OLD BUTT OUT!
Get in touch with an agency that works with Citizens with Special Needs. Depending on the state, they may be able to help your son get into a group home situation and get the SSI and care he needs. As long as you are enabling him to survive like this he has no reason to change. What do you think is going to change anyway, when he gets SSI. You think you will have more money? He will have more money and less to give you. Really this sounds like a job for Dr. Phil.
You're right, you are an enabler. The only person who can make what you want to happen is you. If you really want him out, kick him out. Be forceful, and youre not a bad mom if you do. Write him a long letter to send with him about your struggle and how you really do love him. Sometime down the road that may make him come to his senses. Until then you deserve a vacation
Sounds like he has physical issues NOT mental and there is NO way I would endure his abuse. Its great he has a lawyer but perhaps he should go to the state for services...they may even put him in housing. He is well enough to smoke pot and drive then he is well enough to work and take care of himself.



He would HAVE to go. he is ungrateful, a con, and taking advantage of you both. I would no longer tolerate him PERIOD
I got it, the guilt of life is spread all over you. Your husband sounds like he also cannot accept reality, so there you both are changing your life for someone who doesn't want to work for anything and can't spell respect. While your son disrespects you, you are killing him. Not that unusual except you tried to escape and got caught in his trap and there you are victims of your own lack of dignity.



You and your husband know the answer but don't have the courage to follow up on it. But just so you can hear it one more time here goes. You are afraid of being the reason your son died, not giving one thought to being the ones that taught him how to live. You can wallow in your own pity but the truth is you need to get the bad seed out of your mind and out of your house. When you both understand that this burden has affected your lives that you can never have back you will understand what you did wrong. ';Enablers!'; That's putting it mildly, you guys are nothing less than Ma and Pa Kevorkian. If you keep your son in prison (your home) he will die a painful death, if you let him go (no car no money.... maybe bus fare) you may be responsible for his having a longer life. It's not a crap roll it's a decision and you have to make it now. Real Quick: An ex wife from many years ago still clings to the son, claiming he will be my son forever... He robbed us, cost tons in bail, lawyers and quarters for the candy machines in prison. I finally saw the light, she's still taking care of her (my son forever) son. She has nothing at 60, yet still visits him no matter what prison, has little to no time or money for her other children and lives in a dump because she can't afford anything else. She's a great example of your destiny if you continue on the same pathway... Let him go! Now! My deepest best wishes for you.
He sounds like me...when I was in my teens. What happened was my mother got mentally ill and my grandparents couldnt handle me,

called the cops and the cops told me I had to leave. I did, and i never returned.



Things were hard at first, I had no job and no money, and no place to stay. I always had ambition but I always wanted to make money on my own you know be my own boss cause I couldnt handle ppl telling me what to do.



This was when I was around 18. For years I kept bouncing all over

the place. Most of the time I had a place to rent out and some

kind of job to support it, but there were times when I was homeless.

One time for 3 months, another living in my car for over a year.



Im 27 years old now and only since I was 25 I have become successful and have a 6 figure salary, and yes I have my own

company.



Being on my own all these years taught me a lot, and if it

wasnt for my friends there to help me out when i needed it

things could have been a lot worse.



I have no family anymore, that was my fault. In this world

though you need people you can count on to help.



I cant tell you what to do as I dont want to be responsible

for the outcome of your sons life. I dont know how he will

end up, but what I do know is that until he is on his own,

He will never become the man that he needs to be.