Family dilema. please help. any advice?

im a newlywed woman and a mother of 10 mth twin girls. my husband and i are moving into our new place after saving up money. now that im moving my mom wants to leave me my grandmother to take care of her. my mom has never actually been a mother to me and my grandma raised me so i feel pressured to take care of her. but ive started a new life and i'm a stay at home mom and i want to to raise my daughters and be a good wife. problem is my grandma is ill and my mom has a new man in her life(not anything new, she always tends to choose men over family she did that to me all the time) and she to wants to start her new life and move on. literally shes moving to a smaller place cause she wants to save money to buy her own home. so she wants me to take careof my grandma. my husband loves my grandma but he wants his privacy, and well my grandma she needs to be helped by washing her, making sure that she takes her medication she has a tendency to have bowel accidents and so on. my mom acts like my grandma gets in her way of her love life and that makes me soooo mad that doesn't want to take care of my grandma she says that she works so much that she can't do it and thats its so depressing and stressful. i first told her no because my husband wanted my girls to have their own room (mind you its a 2 bedroom home) so then my mom says well you can still do it so feeling guilty i say ok but is it ok? ive notice that my girls need my constant attention now when im cooking they need me and my husband needs me when hes not working and well i would like a break, is that bad? what should i do? i can't choose over my husband or my grandma. i love them very much. im i wrong for feeling this or should my mom take care over her or should i delay my life for a time? am i wrong or my mom and how should i tell my mom that my husband isn't to fond with my grandma moving in?Family dilema. please help. any advice?
Your grandma needs 24 hour care, it would seem and you are not in a position to do this..because you already have a 24 hour job looking after your own babies. You need to talk to someone about getting you grandma home help of some sort...there are different organization out there that deal with this sort of problem...this would be way to much for you to take on board even if your husband was agreeable to it...do the right thing and get your grandma the professional help she deserves.Family dilema. please help. any advice?
Have you looked at assisted living facilities or nursing homes (whichever you think is applicable)?
In my opinion, your grandma sounds like she needs more care than you or your mother can give. I suggest finding at the minimum an assisted care center.



You have earned the right to have your own life with your new husband and children. Does your mother not have any siblings? Isn't there someone else who could help with Grandma?



Tell your mom to take a hike and do what's best for Grandmas health needs as well as you and your family's needs. Put Grandma in a facility that can attend to her medical needs. You'll be glad you did.
I really feel like I have been in that same place! I am older than you and I take care of 2 small grandchildren during the day and 1 after school, plus my 2 teen girls in the afternoon. My mother lives 1 1/2 hrs. away-is slowly going downhill and has some real needs due to Alzheimer's. It is very difficult to be caught between love and duty/guilt. If I were to ask you-what is your #1 responsibility?, what would you say? (Mom or granddaughter?) I have noticed it is very difficult to care for my mother and grandchildren at the same time. They both seem to need undivided attention.You have every right to want to be in your own home and take care of your little family. Of course, you want to help w/ your grandmother. Maybe you can take her 1-2 days a week. Your gmother is your mother's responsibility and it sounds like she is trying to pawn her off on you! If your mother needs some assistance-maybe she can get some in-home bath aides, talk to the Dr. etc. Be strong-remember the boundary lines. Good luck to all of you!