Just ended a 5 year relationship last week. Long story short was that I had wanted eventually wanted to get married and have children and discussed this several times and in january i brought it up again and he just said he didn't know what he wanted anymore. (he has been married before but no children and i am 28 and he is 41) after discussing it further last week he just said he didnt think anything would change if we got married and if we had kids he would be working even harder.. He just works way to much and finally figured out that this is who he is and dosent think he would change...he's a workaholic and sometimes works 7 days a week... There hasnt been much romance over the past 2 years and i felt like he was my roomate but i tricked myself into thinking it was going to get better.. I guess i just thought he would change, but isnt going to...We both mutually agreed that this wasn't going to work, but we also admitted that we still love each other and truly care for each other. With me feeling like a roomate i still have a hard time grasping that its completly over..
Heres the catches.
We both work together. He is a firefighter and i work for the same department as an EMT. Although we rarely see each other at work, we both agreed that we are mature adults and this wont pose an issue. We have worked at the same department for the past 4 years with no problems and pretty much don't talk to each other while we are working. we still havent told anyone that we broke up. When and how is the right time? This is just akward!!
(So this isn't much of a catch i suppose?)
The big one..
We own a home together. With the housing market we can't sell the house since we would lose ALOT on the home. He would like to keep the house and i honestly could care less. As much as i like the house, its not a home anymore. There is no equity in the home at all right now and i honestly have no problem with him just having the home and i can just walk away. (that is, if he can refiance the 2 mortgages into his name and have my name off the deed)We owe an additional 60k on the house, so him buying me out isnt much of an option. I am not looking for any money from this..
I am hoping someone can help me out with this hard part...
I can't move out right now..I honestly don't see myself moving out for a few months. If you have been in this situation, how do you make it work? It's only been a week and its just confusing. I obviously still care for him, so after a long day ill have dinner in the fridge if he's hungry because it was no effort to make some extra. I still DO care of him as a person and accept that ';hey this didnt work out'; and would like to remain good friends..
How on earth does one keep this atttude? How do you live with someone who you just spent 5 years with hoping things would have turned out different? I haven't been bitter or angry yet and don't plan on it... More like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sad? yes! But also looking foward to the future. I just am kind of lost on how to act at home now. We didnt have much affection anyways..Its just that i am trying to adjust to STILL living with him and what i should/shouldnt do..
Any help from somene who has been there would be appreciated!!! Someone who is still friends with thier guy after the relationship has ended and lived with them for a little bit..Or anyone with some insight onto all of this!!! Thanks in advance!
4 hours ago - 4 days left to answer.Mutually ended 5yr relationship. Both own a home together, how do you live together if you can't move out yet?
Well, you've both accepted the fact things are just not going to work out, %26amp; at least you still can keep things on a friendly basis. IF you could look at it in more or less like you're ';room mates'; sharing a home together but w/o the ';love'; end of things anymore. Yes, I'm sure you still do care about him as you said about the ';extra'; leftovers from dinner etc. All I can think of is the old TV show of ';Three's Company';. Each of them got along very well, cared about one another, even ate together lots of times, but they were their own separate people who came %26amp; went on their own. I realize this is NOT the same situation as yours, but they were able to make it fine living their separate lives together. If they were home together in the evenings, they still had fun. If one or two of them went out, it didn't cause them any problems either. It is just going to have to take time to get use to things being ';different'; now. If either one of you have friends you could spend time with that would get you out of the ';togetherness'; type situation this is really what you need. You know in time you're going to be looking for someone to share your life with. IF you could just get use to doing things on your own, independent of one another, this I feel would be the one thing that would help you greatly. You just have to start being your own ';seperate/independant'; people again. I feel in time things w/work out for you as this is all fairly new to you now. Give it that dear old word ';time'; %26amp; some patience added to it. All the best to you...:)Mutually ended 5yr relationship. Both own a home together, how do you live together if you can't move out yet?
I haven't been in this situation, but my sister has. Neither she nor her
boyfriend could afford to move out. So they just had to suck it up and
be adults about it, and live as friends/roommates instead of boyfriend/girlfriend. They did it, for over 6 months. It will work out if you both take the high road and don't let yourselves get petty or mean with each other. In other words, you just have to be POLITE, and treat each other with RESPECT.
Good luck.
i have been in a similar situation only we lived in an apt, so we just had to tough it out until the lease was up. it wasnt easy we never got along we were together for 5 yrs at the time. i just kinda did my own thing and he did his own thing but we didnt bring other guys or girls into the apt that would have been to wired. thank god we only had to do that a few months...... so we broke up for about 6months and dated other ppl, then we decided that we only wanted each other so we are now married.....
now, my best friend just went through the exact same thing you are going thru. she and her husband were married for 11 yrs and owned a home together and were in horribe financial debt.... she wasmiserable he treated her like crap! she wanted to leave for years but didnt think she could bc of all the debt they had together (and they had 2 kids which made it harder) anyway she eventually took all she could and moved out last year didnt care about the bills, just left and rented a house, they had to file bankruptsy and the house is foreclosed, ruined her credit but she is happy now and she says she would do it again in a heartbeat.....
the only thing that is different bw she and you is that she didnt love him anymore and didnt want to try to make it work..... if you two still love each other and it sounds like you want to try to make it work, then tell him how you feel and that you are thinkin gbout moving out if things dont cange bc you will be miserable living there and being broke up its just really awkard!! then again you ae still pretty young and you want to ne married and have kids oneday so if he is totally aginst that then you shoul dmove on with your life, just tell him how important it is to you to have a family one day adn if he loves you he will agree. just dont get depressed and think there is no way out right now, if he can afford the house payment byhiself then just move out and rent until you guys figure out what to do, maybe some time apart will actually help the relationshp
It's a hard one to answer. I've been with my husband for over 5 years. In the 2nd year of marriage i wanted to leave but had no money and nowhere to go. So basically we've just stayed together. I still feel like leaving but physically cant so I just hide my feelings inside. It's not healthy.
Sorry I cant suggest anything, maybe it will get better, that's what keeps me going. Hope.
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