Ladies: In general, does your husband like helping out with the home improvement projects around the house?

We bought a new home almost two years ago, and it's just as bare as it was the day we bought it. We have furniture for all of the rooms, but there are other things that I have been wanting to do such as: hang ceiling fans, install a garage door opener, hang curtains and valances, get our windows measured for wood blinds, install a screen door and a new front door, etc. The problem is I don't know how to do any of those things. My husband doesn't really know how either, but he's not interested in learning. I know how to use a power drill and hang pictures and other ';no brainer'; things, but I have a husband here, who's tall and healthy, and he won't even try.





I suggested we do things together. Since neither of us know what to do, I thought it would be a good idea for both of us to try and figure it out. On the rare occasion that I can get him to do something he wants to take control of it. After weeks of basically begging him he finally hung the curtain rods, but believe me when I say he didn't want to do it. A year or so after we were married I had to ';convince'; him to purchase a new living room set. He finally agreed. Earlier this year I was finally able to convince him that we needed a bedroom set. He finally agreed. I purchased a used dining table and china cabinet off Craigslist for a good price earlier this year, so that's the only reason he was in agreeance to that.





I understand he's a man and he's probably not interested in home decor like I am. That's my passion. But when I want to go find a picture, accessories for the house, furniture, etc. I have to do it alone. When I went to look for curtains I went by myself. There are times when I ask him to drive me somewhere to look at something for the house, and he refuses to go (because he doesn't like the fact that I walk around the store twice to make sure I'm not missing a deal). When he does agree to take me, which is rare because I try not to ask, he has an attitude. I can't even ask him to help me move anything around the house.





Yesterday, I asked him to help me move the china cabinet down a little bit. It's two pieces and I'm short and didn't want to turn the whole thing over. He was in the middle of playing a video game when I asked him. I didn't want to ask him to begin with but I had no choice. He acted like I was killing him. He told me I should have asked him when his friends were over (on New Year's Eve ... as if I was thinking about it then) so he could have help. There's only a few glasses in the china cabinet and we moved those, and I was willing to help him ... I just didn't want to move it by myself.





I just don't understand this. This is his house too, but it's almost like I have to beg him to do anything around here. I guess he figures because he's not interested in home decor and how things look, and since it's my thing, he shouldn't have to help. When I told him I was going to hire my cousin's handyman to help us out, he said, ';I didn't think we had money for that'; in a sarcastic tone. I've got to do something. I bought shelving for the pantry several months ago. After trying to get it up I asked him. He started talking about what I'd have to have to hang it, etc. ... when all the stuff we need is already at home. He just makes excuse after excuse when I ask him to do something of that nature ... and he always has something negative to say like, ';That hanger isn't strong enough to hold that mirror'; or ';This isn't the right type of screw'; when in reality it works just fine.





A little history - he is an only child and his mother has never been into decorating. His father is not a home improvements type of guy either. In their home it's just whatever ... as long as they can use it they don't care how it looks. That's fine with me and I can respect that. That's their home and I don't look down on them because they're not into decorating, but I am ...





I am sharp when it comes to computers and business stuff, but hardware, tools, and measurements just go right over my head. I'm horrible when it comes to math. But if I could learn how to do these things I would. I'm tired of begging him and as long as I sit and wait on him to become interested in what I'm doing (he'll never be that), I'll be sitting in the same place.





I have several relatives who know how to do flooring, ceiling fans, etc. and I asked one to come help me the other day. The first thing he said is, ';Okay ... but what about your husband?'; I'm so embarassed because my family will ask if we've got this up and that up, and I have to say no ... and they're all looking like ';Doesn't she have a husband?';





What should I do?Ladies: In general, does your husband like helping out with the home improvement projects around the house?
Honestly, it sounds like he grew up a little spoiled and never had to do things around the house (take that one up with his parents! lol) You're going to have to find a gentle, quiet way to instill a since of pride about his home in him. My husband was kind of the same when he was younger and I blamed it on the fact that we grew up differently. He got paid to mow the lawn or do things, I was just expected to do it. He was looking for a reward and my reward has always been the finished product. I think at some point he realized that I wasn't going to stop until things were done and now he's more into it.





I also learned to do things on my own and there was a little guilt when I was ripping a room apart to paint it while he was on the couch.....





That being said, there are still things that he wont do (or I wont allow him to do) painting is one of them (he's awful at it). I would never ask him to put curtains up (maybe the rod) and he would honestly rather take a bullet in the head than go shopping for ';house stuff'; with me.





Pick your battles. If he doesn't want to be part of the process (and many men don't) of picking out things for the house, do it yourself. When you need his help, tell him. If he claims he doesn't know how to do something (or you need help too) the internet is a great resource.





My husband is pretty helpful now and we talk about projects before we take them on. Sometimes, if he needs motivation, I'll mention that I'm getting an estimate on getting something done. He's either too cheap or prideful because the thought of another man in the house doing something that he COULD do.....kills him...lol





Good luck :)Ladies: In general, does your husband like helping out with the home improvement projects around the house?
We just bought a house and he single handedly demolished it and redid it. He knocked down walls, picked paint and carpeting. Jacuzzi bath tub.... The works. He cleans when I ask him to but not a huge house cleaner. I know I can depend onhim for the hard things.
I can't read all that stuff, I only have 2 hours to do this .





Brevity is your friend , thanks ,
Is this man just lazy in general? If so then I think you may have a real problem with him. If he otherwise works very hard and you can afford it then pay someone else to do these jobs.
If you are willing to learn, ask someone you know who knows how to do it show you. They also have classes in teaching you how to do things yourself. Look into one of those. Dont be embarrassed to ask your family for help just explain to them he isnt into the decorating thing. If you have the money to hire someone to do it. Then hire him if your husband doesnt like you doing that just tell him I have asked for your help and you didnt really want to. Tell him if you dont want me to hire someone to do it then to help you and do it together it is suppose to be a partnership. You might check into counseling also to see why he acts the way he does in doing things together.
We moved in with my MIL last June. She allowed us to paint our bedroom, and put up new window coverings. Fun fun!!





He was actually willing to work with me on it. The hardest part was the wall prep. But, we had that done in one afternoon. We were able to do the majority of the painting in one day, then went back the following week to put on the finishing touches and had someone install blinds. With the windows we have, we could not have measured and installed the blinds ourselves.





I would think that refraining from begging and nagging would be the first thing to do. Men just don't like it. I've done that with my husband and get no positive results.





One thing you can do is go to home depot or lowes and talk to a sales person and ask how to choose the correct paint and equipent and get pointers on how to do the job. Sometimes they offer free classes in repairing and installing things.





Maybe when he sees you getting into this stuff, he'll get motivated. If not it's okay. You'll feel good about yourself for these accomplishments.





Heh, wanna help us in our house renovations? :) Actually, I'm already having much fun with it. Our kitchen cabinets will come in soon!!
I think your approach is wrong. You have probably put out so much negative energy over it and talked about what he's doing wrong wrong wrong, that he just isn't inspired to do anything right anymore. All he hears is your criticisms and he just tunes you out.


I am a female, but I don't like decorating. I'm not good at it and it bores me. If my husband came at me with an attitude of why can't you this and why don't you that...I'd just shrug him off and probably start to get annoyed with him and it would make me not want to do it even more.


I think you need to bring more positive energy back into the situation. Don't put all these high expectations on him or demands. Maybe you really are annoying to go shopping with.


I know my mother in law is the type of woman that obsesses on home decorating and the truth is, no one wants to be around her much. Because she is so obsessive about it, it's boring to be around her. We don't care if the house looks spotless or like a Martha Stewart house, we care more about having fun in it and enjoying life. Especially if you have hard working people, who wants to spend all their time decorating or doing home improvement projects.


Just going on what you wrote, I don't know you two as people, but it sounds like you need to change your attitude. Be more fun and positive about it. If you want his help, set a time limit on it. Like two hours on a Saturday, not a full day. Quit beating him up for just being who he is and inspire him to want to help, not nag or belittle him into helping. It sounds like you enjoy putting him down.
He sounds scared to give it the effort because he doesnt know how to which i was the same but i had the right attitude as in i wanted to be able to do these things so i tried and found its not that hard after all but try taking control and keep on at him and say to him look if you could do it on my your own you would but you cant so can he help if he still refuses then have a little go and say sod it im calling a pro right now just to help me with this because you cant be bothered, he will do it in the end and you have to take into account that hes never done this before and messing up infront of you is probably what stops him trying but just keep on and on and say to him c'mon it wont take long and remind him now and then that you would like to be able to do it yourself but you dont have the strength he has or the diy skills so you need his help this will sink in that you just cant manage without him, get some books and stuff and start reading them in front of him and show him some of the things they do simply but has a great effect because when he does finaly do something that looks good like wooden flooring or a kitchen he will feel so different and he will want to try more stuff so get you both doing the basics first and complete one project together and watch the change in him i can almost reassure you he will be this diy pro by the end of 2009 if your persistant and patient enough with him, good luck,x
you ask ladies in general if their husbands like to help out around the house, well that would all depend on the guy i guess. i have to admit though that i have the very opposite problem than you do. my husband needs to do everything around the house when it comes to decorating it 'fixing' it in anyway. and no he is not a carpenter, he's actually a mechanic. we have laid down flooring, painted the rooms, thinking about getting new carpeting, everything he has done. now my suggestion to you would to ask your husband why he doesn't like doing these things? is it that he doesn't want to do the manual work or that he doesn't want to help pick out designs, paintings, curtains and such. when it comes to looks and styles i can't blame him for not wanting a part in it but if it is that he is pretty much lazy and doesn't want to help you paint, move furniture, hang fixtures and other 'labor' then i wouldn't call him a man, he seems to be more of a child.
There was just way too much reading for me, keep it shorter next time. My fiancee recently remodeled our house and so I spent a great deal of time at Home Depot. They do all sorts of little classes there for home improvement projects. I would imagine you could look up a lot of internet sites that would give you some pointers too