I'm considering getting eloped at the town hall and then having a ';real'; wedding in the future... thoughts?

Hi guys...





I know some people are going to have mixed opinions of this. I have to admit, I sort of look down upon it. For instance, one of my fiance's guy friends did this- he married his now wife at the town hall, mainly to get her health insurance, and only because she didn't WANT to look for a job for herself! They didn't even have wedding rings. Now they are having this big, elaborate ';wedding'; that her parents are paying for a year later... I really didn't ever want to do anything like that. But here's MY situation:





My boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years and have been wanting to get married, but don't have a big budget for the ';nice wedding'; we want. We have saved cash, and only probably want a small wedding (50-75) because we don't have big families. Also, we are at the point where we are trying to buy a home, so we can stop wasting money on an apartment. My boyfriend currently has one year left of college and he is also in the military reserves, most likely being sent back on his 2nd deployment towards the middle/end of this year. I am currently applying to a 3 years masters degree program in nursing FNP (YAY!) program, which will start about a year from now, when he graduates from college.





1) For that 3 year masters program I am REQUIRED by my school to have health insurance, if I don't, I have to buy it from the school for an extra $3-5000 a year! I will not be able to work during that time because of the intensity of the program, so that means no health insurance unless we are married... which means a much added expense.





2) My boyfriend is in the military and may be deployed again soon. It would be easier for us to be married so that I could handle his assets (our apartment, bills, car loans, etc...) while he is away.





3) We would get more money as a married couple in the military (in other words, we have been missing out on several thousand dollars extra each year just living together and not being married). The extra money could help us out tremendously.





4) Also, I am currently working part-time 30-40 hours per week and taking classes part time for pre-reqs for my masters degree. However, I don't have insurance through my job, and can't really find another one to work around my school schedule. So basically, I am buying my own insurance from a very expensive company that doesn't really get me anything! grrrr..... If we got married now, it would mean I could get insurance through him, save me several hundreds of dollars a month, AND actually be able to USE my insurance to go to drs appointments, etc if needed...





Basically, between the cost of finding a home, an engagement ring, etc... we don't want to have to take out a loan to pay for a wedding quite yet. We probably could afford it by then end of this year or early next year, but I want to be married before I enter my masters degree program, because once those 3 years start, I won't have time to focus on anything else. I was thinking of just getting married at the town hall soon, and then having a ';real wedding'; within the next 1-2 years with a ceremony, reception, etc. on our own time, with plenty of time to plan and save $. It is not how I dreamed of it, but it would take a lot of stress off of us if we could just have the legal benefits of marriage. I know, I know, you are going to say the ';wedding'; doesn't matter to the ';marriage'; and I agree.. But I do know that my mom had a ';no cost'; wedding, and she always wishes she could have had the experience, memories, and photos to look back upon....





I'm torn on what to do...I'm considering getting eloped at the town hall and then having a ';real'; wedding in the future... thoughts?
I hate to sound like a grinch, but this just doesn't work. I totally get the logic on why you want to be married now, but the truth is simple: a married woman can't get married and have a wedding with all the trappings. I don't think this applies in your case, but in general people are losing focus on what a wedding is all about. It's pledging, in front of family and friends, to commit your life and heart to another person. A re-enactment of this is just cheesy.





What you need to decide is which is more important: the benefits you get from being married soon vs your wish for a nice wedding. If you end up getting married now, you can always throw an anniversary party, but it isn't a wedding re-do and has none of the trappings of a wedding.





Also, for what it's worth, this isn't a matter of opinion. Wedding etiquette is very clearcut on this issue.I'm considering getting eloped at the town hall and then having a ';real'; wedding in the future... thoughts?
So, go and get married now and in a couple of years, have a wonderful anniversary party and do the cake, toast, dance and pictures then to celebrate your marriage!! Best wishes!!
Go for it!





Lots of couples have vow renewals later in thier marriage and that is most acceptable. What you are doing is just an earlier version of that!





In fact, (History degree mode), in Medieval times, couples would often elope to marry in secret, just the two of them ';I take you to be my wife, do you take me?'; Then tell the priest who'd bless them in the church doorway. Maybe even throw a party!


These marriages were accepted as legitimate, but often led to trouble. Confusion over betrothals, sex before the marriage but AFTER the betrothal (some people said this ';consumated'; the betrothal and made you married, others dissagreed)...it all got messy so that's why we have witnesses and paperwork these days!





What you plan is actually more traditional than you'd think!
The reasons your outline for getting married now are reasonable. I would suggest have the elopement now, maybe invite your parents. Take pictures and all that.





Then later have a wedding vow renewal. You can make it as elaborate as you want. Have the big wedding you always dreamed of. Make the vow renewal on your anniversary. Buy the dress the ring, throw a huge party. At that point you are not only celebrating your marriage but also the fact that several years into your marriage you two are still so much in love that you want to share it with the world by renewing your vows.
Honestly? From a bride-to-be (wedding in July 2010). Wait until you can have the day you want. You will always regret it.





My fiance and I have had a long engagement so that we could have the wedding we wanted. Having said that, we aren't having anything too elaborate. But, we are having exactly what we want. A lovely ceremony followed by a catered meal in our backyard. It doesn't matter what your bridal dreams are, as long as they are realized.





My fiance and I said a few times that we should elope or go to the registry office and get it done. But both of us are soooooo glad we waited. This way we can have the celebration and the memory that we have always wanted.





You don't want to look back and regret not having that special day in your life.
Follow your heart...
Health insurance in the US is f* up. You have very good reasons to get married now.





However, I still think wedding do-overs are tasteless and pathetic, no matter what the reason. Do you really want to walk down the aisle when you are already married? Kind of takes something away from the moment, dont you think? And honestly, your guests wont find anything special about it either.





Have your wedding now. Just change your idea of your perfect wedding. Listen, almost NO ONE gets their perfect wedding! Adults have real responsibilities, and that means making priorities and not crying about it.





Cut your guest list. Have your wedding mid-day with cake and champagne in a garden. Have an evening wedding followed by a dinner in a private room at your favorite restaurant. Be creative, there are lots of ways to have a beautiful wedding on a budget.
Get married now, which would be your ';real'; wedding and then have a ';vow renewal'; reception later. In my opinion, it's not right to get married and then a couple years down the line have a ';wedding'; for the sake of having the big party that you always dreamed of, and treat it as your wedding. Call it what it is, a party, no bridal party, no princess dress, no gifts, no shower, etc.
I'm in your same situation (about your fiance deploying) and have given this A LOT of thought. I think what we will end up doing is going to town hall by ourselves and get the legal portion of it taken care of before he leaves in the event something does happen. We would of course tell our parents and maybe our closest friends, but other than no one would know. And then, when he gets back next year, we will have a wedding with EVERYONE. I wanted to have it this year, but we don't know when he's leaving. But, like I said, we're still thinking about wether or not that's what we want to do. Good luck to you!
I don't mean to sound harsh or anything, but getting married at the town hall for legal reasons will be your ';real'; wedding. Just because it's not a big ceremony and reception with all the trimmings doesn't mean it's not a ';real'; wedding. I really don't understand the idea of getting married and then having a re-do wedding a year later. What would be the point? You will already be married for like a year or two. I understand having a vow renewal after like 10 years. But it would be just weird to pretend to be a bride, wear a gown, walk down the aisle and everything after you are already married. I'm sorry about your situation, but why can't you just get married now and that's it? Isn't the most important thing being married? Do you really need the big ceremony and reception? It won't make you any more married. I suggest you have a small town hall wedding, and go to a nice restaurant or have a nice dinner at home with close family to celebrate, you wedding will be what you make it.